Just for Men: Brent Burns

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Chances are, you are probably not like Brent Burns.

Most people probably don’t sport a beard like Burns does … and let’s be honest, it’s probably for the best.

Burns has a patient wife, as he admits and you can see from his beard (which is so large and unruly that some might speculate about it being sentient). If you need further evidence, see headlines like “Burns wants a tiger but his wife says no.”

Most people don’t have significant others willing to deal with facial hair of such monstrosity, and most people would struggle to keep a job looking like Burns.

Most people can’t score 27 goals at the NHL level, let alone as a defenseman. Nor could most NHL players seamlessly move between defense and forward positions at an All-Star level. Charles Barkley once said that athletes aren’t role models, and it’s especially foolish to try to emulate the San Jose Sharks’ Chewbacca-like blueliner.

That’s not to say you can’t be anything like Brent Burns, mind you.

Who doesn’t love pizza or especially the idea of eating pizza after a tough day of work? Burns’ love of animals and charitable work is something we should all aspire to. And, let’s make no doubt about: the guy is amazing at his job.

Let’s be honest, though: you can do better than Burns’ beard, at least if you want to avoid weird looks anytime you go out in public.

Also: honorable mention to teammate Joe Thornton, who clearly does want to follow in Burns’ fuzzy footsteps.

FILE - In this March 24, 2016, file photo, San Jose Sharks' Joe Thornton (19) sakes during the first period of an NHL hockey game against the Edmonton Oilers in San Jose, Calif. Thornton has had a career renaissance at age 36 to help lead San Jose back to the playoffs. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez, File)
via AP