2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs: PHT’s Round 1 picks — in five words

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Because we’re on the Internet, and reading stuff on the Internet requires the attention span of a gerbil, PHT’s intrepid staff of keyboard chimps and copy drones have made their Round 1 playoff picks — with five words of analysis per pick.

Nothing less, nothing more.

We. Only. Used. Five. Words.

Western Conference

No. 1 Vancouver vs. No. 8 Los Angeles

Ryan Dadoun (Canucks in 5): Kings lack scoring depth necessary.

James O’Brien (Canucks in 6): Hot Canucks alleviate royal pain.

Joe Yerdon (Canucks in 6): Quick is not fast enough.

Jason Brough (Canucks in 7): More goals in soccer games.

Mike Halford (Canucks in 7): Sedins are good at hockey.

No. 2 St. Louis vs. No. 7 San Jose

Dadoun (Blues in 6): Arnott, Langenbrunner compliment young core.

O’Brien (Blues in 5): Young Blues feast on guppies.

Yerdon (Blues in 7): Sharks scare, Blues too good.

Brough (Sharks in 6): The Blues peaked too soon.

Halford (Sharks in 6): Blues were brutal down stretch.

No. 3 Phoenix vs. No. 6 Chicago

Dadoun (Coyotes in 6): Hot Smith bests inconsistent Crawford.

O’Brien (‘Hawks in 6): Star power bests bland execution.

Yerdon (‘Hawks in 6): Upset? Yeah, I suppose so.

Brough (‘Hawks in 6): Keith rested. Elbow feels great.

Halford (Coyotes in 6): You seen Crawford this season?

No. 4 Nashville vs. No. 5 Detroit

Dadoun (Preds in 7): Reloaded Predators need to win.

O’Brien (Wings in 7): Old just barely beats Rad.

Yerdon (Preds in 7): Winner drops dead next round.

Brough (Preds in 7): Preds desperate. Franchise on line.

Halford (Wings in 6): Offer Suter contract immediately after.

Eastern Conference

No. 1 New York vs. No. 8 Ottawa

Dadoun (Rangers in 6): Learning experience for younger Senators.

O’Brien (Rangers in 4): Senators fetch the shine box.

Yerdon (Rangers in 6): Rangers never win anything easy.

Brough (Rangers in 5): Sens overachieved. Will face reality.

Halford (Rangers in 7): With three classic Tortorella tirades.

No. 2 Boston vs. No. 7 Washington

Dadoun (Caps in 7): Ovechkin’s finally playing like Ovechkin.

O’Brien (Bruins in 5): Bears italicize the bumbling Caps.

Yerdon (Bruins in 5): Caps inconsistency fails them again.

Brough (Bruins in 5): Caps getting peeled off boards.

Halford (Bruins in 5): Nobody’s winning with Braden Holtby.

No. 3 Florida vs. No. 6 New Jersey

Dadoun (Devils in 5): Might be Brodeur’s last run.

O’Brien (Devils in 5): Dangerous Devils crush cuddly Cats.

Yerdon (Devils in 5): Token win for bad team.

Brough (Devils in 5): Panthers aren’t very good. Sorry.

Halford (Devils in 6): Florida’s the worst playoff team.

No. 4 Pittsburgh vs. No. 5 Philadelphia

Dadoun (Pens in 7): Winner becomes Stanley Cup favorite.

O’Brien (Pens in 7): Pens wash hands of “bloodbath.”

Yerdon (Pens in 7): Crosby, Malkin, Neal too much.

Brough (Pens in 5): Maybe if Philly had Pronger.

Halford (Pens in 6): Vitale with the series-winner.