Because we’re on the Internet, and reading stuff on the Internet requires the attention span of a gerbil, PHT’s intrepid staff of keyboard chimps and copy drones have made their Round 1 playoff picks — with five words of analysis per pick.
Nothing less, nothing more.
We. Only. Used. Five. Words.
No. 1 Vancouver vs. No. 8 Los Angeles
Ryan Dadoun (Canucks in 5): Kings lack scoring depth necessary.
James O’Brien (Canucks in 6): Hot Canucks alleviate royal pain.
Joe Yerdon (Canucks in 6): Quick is not fast enough.
Jason Brough (Canucks in 7): More goals in soccer games.
Mike Halford (Canucks in 7): Sedins are good at hockey.
No. 2 St. Louis vs. No. 7 San Jose
Dadoun (Blues in 6): Arnott, Langenbrunner compliment young core.
O’Brien (Blues in 5): Young Blues feast on guppies.
Yerdon (Blues in 7): Sharks scare, Blues too good.
Brough (Sharks in 6): The Blues peaked too soon.
Halford (Sharks in 6): Blues were brutal down stretch.
No. 3 Phoenix vs. No. 6 Chicago
Dadoun (Coyotes in 6): Hot Smith bests inconsistent Crawford.
O’Brien (‘Hawks in 6): Star power bests bland execution.
Yerdon (‘Hawks in 6): Upset? Yeah, I suppose so.
Brough (‘Hawks in 6): Keith rested. Elbow feels great.
Halford (Coyotes in 6): You seen Crawford this season?
No. 4 Nashville vs. No. 5 Detroit
Dadoun (Preds in 7): Reloaded Predators need to win.
O’Brien (Wings in 7): Old just barely beats Rad.
Yerdon (Preds in 7): Winner drops dead next round.
Brough (Preds in 7): Preds desperate. Franchise on line.
Halford (Wings in 6): Offer Suter contract immediately after.
No. 1 New York vs. No. 8 Ottawa
Dadoun (Rangers in 6): Learning experience for younger Senators.
O’Brien (Rangers in 4): Senators fetch the shine box.
Yerdon (Rangers in 6): Rangers never win anything easy.
Brough (Rangers in 5): Sens overachieved. Will face reality.
Halford (Rangers in 7): With three classic Tortorella tirades.
No. 2 Boston vs. No. 7 Washington
Dadoun (Caps in 7): Ovechkin’s finally playing like Ovechkin.
O’Brien (Bruins in 5): Bears italicize the bumbling Caps.
Yerdon (Bruins in 5): Caps inconsistency fails them again.
Brough (Bruins in 5): Caps getting peeled off boards.
Halford (Bruins in 5): Nobody’s winning with Braden Holtby.
No. 3 Florida vs. No. 6 New Jersey
Dadoun (Devils in 5): Might be Brodeur’s last run.
O’Brien (Devils in 5): Dangerous Devils crush cuddly Cats.
Yerdon (Devils in 5): Token win for bad team.
Brough (Devils in 5): Panthers aren’t very good. Sorry.
Halford (Devils in 6): Florida’s the worst playoff team.
No. 4 Pittsburgh vs. No. 5 Philadelphia
Dadoun (Pens in 7): Winner becomes Stanley Cup favorite.
O’Brien (Pens in 7): Pens wash hands of “bloodbath.”
Yerdon (Pens in 7): Crosby, Malkin, Neal too much.
Brough (Pens in 5): Maybe if Philly had Pronger.
Halford (Pens in 6): Vitale with the series-winner.