Roberto Luongo, Christian Ehrhoff

The soundtrack to Roberto Luongo’s misery

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Things haven’t been great for Roberto Luongo since the Stanley Cup finals shifted from Vancouver to Boston.

He seems to start off well enough (allowing just one goal in the two first periods), but the wheels really fall off when the second period arrives. Luongo allowed four goals on 14 shots in the second period of Game 3 and two on 12 shots in Game 4. He allowed four more in an embarrassing Game 3 third and one in Game 4 before mercifully being pulled after Rich Peverley scored his second goal of the game.

With a stunning 12 goals allowed in just five periods of play, I couldn’t help but wonder: is the Boston Bruins’ goal song “Kernkraft 400” by Zombie Nation becoming almost as painful for Luongo to hear as “Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratelli’s? That thought process produced a little idea: if you were to put together a mix tape of the goal songs that probably annoy Luongo the most, which songs would make it?

How the songs were determined: Aside from the obvious choices of Boston and Chicago, I took a look at teams Luongo struggled against the most during road games during the last three regular seasons. This list includes the most recent goal songs we know of, but feel free to correct these choices in the comments. Last note: let’s imagine the mix being an “EP” length record rather than an “LP” or double-album.

The soundtrack to Roberto Luongo’s misery

1. “Kernkraft 400” by Zombie Nation (Boston Bruins’ goal song)

Comments about the song: This song earns the rare distinction in which the band name and song title are virtually interchangeable. You may know this song from the movie “Shaun of the Dead” as well.

How the Bruins made the mix: Again, 12 goals in 5 periods on the hockey world’s biggest stage probably imprints the “Oh” chant in Luongo’s skull. He didn’t have much success in Boston in his rare regular season appearances, either.

2. “Bro Hymn” by Pennywise (Anaheim Ducks’ goal song)

Comments: Skip to the 1:30 or so mark of the song to find out why this makes sense as a goal celebration song.  It feels like this song is featured on every skateboarding video game soundtrack ever, doesn’t it?

How the Ducks made the mix: Luongo allowed four goals in one game against Anaheim in 2010-11 and 10 in two games in 08-09. (He didn’t play a road game against the Ducks in 09-10.)

3. “Crowd chant” by Joe Satriani (Minnesota Wild goal song)

Comments: Do you ever wonder how many “jock jams” were conscious attempts to keep making licensing money and which ones came together by blind luck? This song was probably a member of the former group, but let’s be fair: it worked. Satriani makes the bold move of throwing “Whoa’s” in a landscape rife with “Oh’s” and “Yeah’s.”

How the Wild made the mix:  He allowed six goals in one game in Minnesota game this season and 10 in two last season. Only his 08-09 appearance wasn’t so Whoa-full (he only allowed one goal).

4. “Shot down in flames” by AC/DC (Calgary Flames’ goal song)

Comments: This one earns two “finally” ranks: 1) Finally, an AC/DC song and 2) Finally, a shameless pun about the team name.

How the Flames made the mix: Like the Wild, the Flames received more opportunities to face Luongo since they’re in the same division but regularly gave them issues. Luongo allowed five goals in two Calgary games in 10-11, 10 in three in 09-10 and seven in two in 08-09.

5. “I love LA” by Randy Newman (Los Angeles Kings’ goal song)

Comments: Only the most area-specific theme could get Randy Newman playing in the mall metal world of NHL arenas. It’s kind of admirable, really.

How the Kings made the mix: His overall numbers against LA aren’t too awful (16 goals in four games over three seasons), but allowing eight in one game in 09-10 pushes them over the top.

6. “Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratelli’s (Chicago Blackhawks’ goal song)

Comments: I marvel at any non-Blackhawks fan who enjoys this song at this point, but to each his (or her) own.

How the Blackhawks made the mix: You know this already.

Clutter-bucks: Isles sign energy guy to five-year, $17.5 million extension

NEW YORK, NY - JANUARY 03:  Cal Clutterbuck #15 of the New York Islanders scores his second goal of the game at 9:53 of the third period against the Dallas Stars at the Barclays Center on January 3, 2016 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City.  The Islanders defeated the Stars 6-5. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
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The New York Islanders made a splash on Friday, signing veteran forward Cal Clutterbuck to a five-year, $17.5 million extension — one that carries a $3.5 million average annual cap hit through 2023.

Clutterbuck, 29, has two goals and nine points through 25 games this year, while averaging 15:26 TOI per night (his highest average since joining the Isles four years ago). As per usual, he leads the club in hits — one of the staples of his game — and serves as one of the club’s alternate captains.

This new contract represents a nice raise for the former Minnesota Wild man. His last contract, set to expire in July, was of the four-year, $11 million variety, and carried a $2.75 million cap hit.

This contract also resembles the one GM Garth Snow gave another of the club’s role forwards. This summer, Casey Cizikas signed a five-year, $16.75 million extension — one with a $3.35 million hit — despite the fact he’d never scored more than 30 points in a season, or averaged more than 14 minutes of ice time.

This style of spending — along with splashes made for free agent disappointments Jason Chimera and Andrew Ladd — is sure to raise some questions. The Isles opted not to spend that money on retaining two of their key players from a season ago, Frans Nielsen and Kyle Okposo, and the club has struggled to find its form through the first quarter of this year.

Bettman: Salary cap could stay the same for next season

TORONTO, ON - SEPTEMBER 27:  NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman unveils the League's Centennial celebration plans for 2017 during a press conference at the World Cup of Hockey 2016 at Air Canada Centre on September 27, 2016 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  (Photo by Minas Panagiotakis/Getty Images)
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Don’t expect a big jump in next season’s salary cap.

“We’re not going to give out any numbers now,” NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said yesterday, per Yahoo Sports. “The cap could range from where it is now to a couple or so million up, but we’re all going to have to focus on what makes the most sense moving forward.”

The salary cap only went up slightly for the current season, from $71.4 million to $73 million. The only slight increase was due to the lower Canadian dollar, which negatively impacted last season’s league revenues by “$100 or 200 million,” Bettman said earlier this year.

The loonie has been holding relatively steady for around half a year. It’s currently worth $0.76 USD and has been helped by the recent oil rally.

A flat salary cap would be bad news for big spenders like the Chicago Blackhawks, who still need to get Artemi Panarin signed to an extension. The Los Angeles Kings could also be forced to make some tough decisions, as they’ve got Tyler Toffoli and Tanner Pearson in need of new deals. Ditto for the Pittsburgh Penguins, who have key RFAs in Brian Dumoulin, Justin Schultz, and Conor Sheary.

Related: Trades galore? McPhee expecting ‘a massive player redistribution before the expansion draft’

A few ‘bad decisions’ have been costing Lundqvist

New York Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist (30) reacts after giving up a goal to Pittsburgh Penguins center Sidney Crosby (87) during the second period of an NHL hockey game, Wednesday, Nov. 23, 2016, in New York. The Penguins won 6-1. (AP Photo/Julie Jacobson)
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Henrik Lundqvist has set such a high bar that his 12-8-1 record with a .912 save percentage is cause for great concern these days in New York.

That his backup, Antti Raanta, is 6-1-0 with a .932 save percentage only contributes to that concern, because if Raanta can manage those numbers, what’s Lundqvist’s excuse?

“I feel like I’m tracking the puck well, moving well,” Lundqvist told the Daily News. “It just comes down to some bad decisions at times that cost me.”

Indeed, December has not started well for The King. He’s allowed 10 goals in three starts for a save percentage of .894. In Tuesday’s 4-2 loss to the Islanders, his decision to poke check a loose puck led to the winning goal by Andrew Ladd.

But while this month has been a struggle, it should be noted that Lundqvist was mostly excellent in November. He finished with a .925 save percentage, including that 40-save victory on Black Friday in Philadelphia.

Which is to say, he has more than earned the benefit of the doubt. Since 2008-09, Lundqvist has not finished a season with a save percentage below .920, and that is a remarkable achievement.

Raanta was solid again last night in Winnipeg, where the Rangers beat the Jets, 2-1. A starting goalie for tonight’s game in Chicago has not yet been announced, but Lundqvist is a good bet.

Top 10 career save percentages among goalies with at least 300 NHL starts

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Jets send talented rookie Connor to AHL

WINNIPEG, MANITOBA - OCTOBER 23:  Goalie Cam Talbot #33 of the Edmonton Oilers pushes Kyle Connor #81 of the Winnipeg Jets  during the 2016 Tim Hortons NHL Heritage Classic hockey game on October 23, 2016 at Investors Group Field in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. (Photo by Jason Halstead /Getty Images)
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Kyle Connor is on his way to the minors.

On Friday, Winnipeg announced that Connor — the former Michigan Wolverines star taken 17th overall in 2015 — has been assigned to the club’s AHL affiliate, the Manitoba Moose.

Connor, 19, had just one goal and four points through 19 games this year, struggling to adjust to life at the professional level.

He’d been a healthy scratch for each of the Jets’ last six games and, prior to that, missed five games with an upper-body injury after getting nailed into the boards by L.A. forward Kyle Clifford.

The Jets are getting healthy up front, which further explains why Connor is on his way to the Moose. Bryan Little and Mathieu Perreault both recently returned from injury.