The soundtrack to Roberto Luongo’s misery

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Things haven’t been great for Roberto Luongo since the Stanley Cup finals shifted from Vancouver to Boston.

He seems to start off well enough (allowing just one goal in the two first periods), but the wheels really fall off when the second period arrives. Luongo allowed four goals on 14 shots in the second period of Game 3 and two on 12 shots in Game 4. He allowed four more in an embarrassing Game 3 third and one in Game 4 before mercifully being pulled after Rich Peverley scored his second goal of the game.

With a stunning 12 goals allowed in just five periods of play, I couldn’t help but wonder: is the Boston Bruins’ goal song “Kernkraft 400” by Zombie Nation becoming almost as painful for Luongo to hear as “Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratelli’s? That thought process produced a little idea: if you were to put together a mix tape of the goal songs that probably annoy Luongo the most, which songs would make it?

How the songs were determined: Aside from the obvious choices of Boston and Chicago, I took a look at teams Luongo struggled against the most during road games during the last three regular seasons. This list includes the most recent goal songs we know of, but feel free to correct these choices in the comments. Last note: let’s imagine the mix being an “EP” length record rather than an “LP” or double-album.

The soundtrack to Roberto Luongo’s misery

1. “Kernkraft 400” by Zombie Nation (Boston Bruins’ goal song)

Comments about the song: This song earns the rare distinction in which the band name and song title are virtually interchangeable. You may know this song from the movie “Shaun of the Dead” as well.

How the Bruins made the mix: Again, 12 goals in 5 periods on the hockey world’s biggest stage probably imprints the “Oh” chant in Luongo’s skull. He didn’t have much success in Boston in his rare regular season appearances, either.

2. “Bro Hymn” by Pennywise (Anaheim Ducks’ goal song)

Comments: Skip to the 1:30 or so mark of the song to find out why this makes sense as a goal celebration song.  It feels like this song is featured on every skateboarding video game soundtrack ever, doesn’t it?

How the Ducks made the mix: Luongo allowed four goals in one game against Anaheim in 2010-11 and 10 in two games in 08-09. (He didn’t play a road game against the Ducks in 09-10.)

3. “Crowd chant” by Joe Satriani (Minnesota Wild goal song)

Comments: Do you ever wonder how many “jock jams” were conscious attempts to keep making licensing money and which ones came together by blind luck? This song was probably a member of the former group, but let’s be fair: it worked. Satriani makes the bold move of throwing “Whoa’s” in a landscape rife with “Oh’s” and “Yeah’s.”

How the Wild made the mix:  He allowed six goals in one game in Minnesota game this season and 10 in two last season. Only his 08-09 appearance wasn’t so Whoa-full (he only allowed one goal).

4. “Shot down in flames” by AC/DC (Calgary Flames’ goal song)

Comments: This one earns two “finally” ranks: 1) Finally, an AC/DC song and 2) Finally, a shameless pun about the team name.

How the Flames made the mix: Like the Wild, the Flames received more opportunities to face Luongo since they’re in the same division but regularly gave them issues. Luongo allowed five goals in two Calgary games in 10-11, 10 in three in 09-10 and seven in two in 08-09.

5. “I love LA” by Randy Newman (Los Angeles Kings’ goal song)

Comments: Only the most area-specific theme could get Randy Newman playing in the mall metal world of NHL arenas. It’s kind of admirable, really.

How the Kings made the mix: His overall numbers against LA aren’t too awful (16 goals in four games over three seasons), but allowing eight in one game in 09-10 pushes them over the top.

6. “Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratelli’s (Chicago Blackhawks’ goal song)

Comments: I marvel at any non-Blackhawks fan who enjoys this song at this point, but to each his (or her) own.

How the Blackhawks made the mix: You know this already.

Hjalmarsson says ‘Hawks are ‘too comfortable’ after rough trip through Florida

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When most people take trips to Florida, it’s to get away from the stress and struggle of everyday life. But it’s safe to say that this edition of the Chicago Blackhawks won’t want to remember their visit to the Sunshine State.

The ‘Hawks dropped an embarrassing 7-0 decision to the Florida Panthers on Saturday night before blowing a 4-1 lead in last night’s game against the Bolts (they eventually lost 5-4 in OT).

They still have a comfortable lead atop the Central Division (eight points up on the struggling Wild), but they aren’t satisfied with their play.

“It’s getting close to the end here and we’re getting a little bit too comfortable maybe,” defenseman Niklas Hjalmarsson said, per the Chicago Tribune. “As soon as you do that, you’re going to lose games … At the same time I’m glad that we were playing like this before the playoffs so we can make some adjustments.

“Eighty-two games is a long season. It’s a mental grind more than anything. As soon as you’re not there 100 percent, it’s going to show in the scoring.”

As Hjalmarsson said, six games is still enough time to figure things out for Chicago. They just won’t have the luxury of facing easy opponents when they do try to sort out their struggles.

They’ll play the Penguins in Pittsburgh on Wednesday before returning home to play Columbus and Boston. They’ll then head back on the road to close out the season in Denver, Anaheim and Los Angeles.

PHT Morning Skate: This season’s top five breakout performers

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Jake Allen wore a special U.S. Navy tribute mask during last night’s game against the Coyotes. It’s really a gorgeous mask. “The blue and yellow complements our colors well, and it’s a great tribute to the Blue Angel pilots who have the honor of flying and performing across the country.” (NHL.com/Blues)

–With every NHL season, there are surprises and disappointments. Rather than focus on the negatives, The Hockey News breaks down the top five breakout seasons in 2016-17. At the top of the list is Panthers forward Jonathan Marchesault, who is shockingly closing in on a 30-goal season. Nashville’s Viktor Arvidsson and Boston’s David Pastrnak have also made names for themselves. (The Hockey News)

–It’s no secret that NHLers are forced to travel a lot, but each team makes the most of their road trips in different ways. For example, Kevin Shattenkirk and the Capitals enjoy fine dining when they’re away from home.  “It’s so easy to go to the top names or the ones that you hear of all the time, but when you go to a lot of these cities, the food scenes everywhere now are really starting to improve. A lot of my friends naturally are foodies. They bring me to some of their places. Even just a simple Google, most of the times, the first two things that come up are Yelp or TripAdvisor, and I usually go a couple down and look at a local newspaper, if they have the best spots to eat in 2017. I like to focus on those.” (Washington Post)

–The Tampa Bay Lightning found themselves down 4-1 in lasts night’s game against Chicago, but they were able to battle back and win in a thrilling overtime period. You can check out the highlights from that game by clicking the video at the top of the page.

–Tonight will mark the first time that Jordie and Jamie Benn play against each other since the trade that saw the older Benn head to Montreal. The Canadiens took the opportunity to ask their Benn some questions about what it was like growing up with his brother. Here’s a sample question: “Of the two of you, which one is Peyton and who is Eli?” (NHL.com/Canadiens)

–This year’s rookie class with Auston Matthews, Patrik Laine, Zach Werenski, Mitch Marner and Matt Murray is one of the best in recent memory, but which other freshmen classes stand out? BarDown takes a look at the top five rookie classes since 2000. (BarDown)

–Capitals forward Justin Williams and Andre Burakovsky had some fun during picture day. The two players showed up to the rink with some pretty poofy hair. There’s no point in me trying to explain it when you can see the pictures for yourself. (NHL.com)

Eddie Lack expects to be released from hospital on Monday night

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As scary as the situation was for Carolina Hurricanes goalie Eddie Lack, the good news continues to pour in.

First, the Hurricanes provided an update that he had “full feeling in his extremities” while under observation at a hospital. This followed the promising sign that he was able to give a “thumbs up” gesture while being taken off the ice on a stretcher after the Hurricanes’ 4-3 overtime loss to the Detroit Red Wings.

The best news came late on Monday night, however, as Lack himself tweeted that he expects to head back home as early as this late evening/early morning:

That’s fantastic news. Video of that scary collision with Andreas Athanasiou can be seen in the video above this post’s headline.

Blues, Flames take care of business (Islanders … do not)

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For a while there, it seemed like the idle Boston Bruins and Toronto Maple Leafs would be Monday’s “winners.” That changed when the Carolina Hurricanes salvaged a standings point and the Tampa Bay Lightning stormed back to beat the Blackhawks.

Still, there were some teams who came through (beyond the Lightning) and those who fell flat, so let’s cover some of the results in short.

West teams get it done

Unlike their counterparts out East, West teams jockeying for position avoided “unforced errors” in losing to non-playoff teams.

The St. Louis Blues beat the Arizona Coyotes 4-1 while the Calgary Flames topped the Colorado Avalanche 4-2. Johnny Gaudreau generated his 200th point (and 201st) in Calgary’s win, while Alex Steen generated four assists. (Vladimir Tarasenko also enjoyed a three-point night.)

This keeps the Blues and Flames in position to advance. St. Louis is one point behind the Nashville Predators for third in the Central while the Flames are a point behind both the Sharks and Oilers for second and third in the Pacific (while remaining in shouting distance of the division title).

East teams stumble, some get over it

Again, the Lightning fought through hurdles to win and the Hurricanes managed that “charity point.”

Overall, East teams struggled. The New York Islanders fell to the Predators by a score of 3-1. Your mileage may vary on the Florida Panthers’ chances, especially after they fell 4-2 to the Buffalo Sabres.

Brian Gionta scored in his 1,000th game as Buffalo won, by the way.

Here’s what the race for the final spot in the East looks like after tonight:

Final wild card: Bruins – 84 points in 75 games played

Lightning – 83 points in 75 GP
Islanders – 82 points in 75 GP
Hurricanes – 80 points in 74 GP