The most 'laborious' jobs in hockey

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vokounsquashed.jpgAh, Labor Day. Unlike most other national holidays, you don’t saddle us with guilt for being couch potatoes instead of war heroes. You don’t give us too much incentive to injure ourselves with illegal fireworks, force us to eat overcooked turkey with family members we don’t get along with or buy overpriced greeting cards.

Nope, Labor Day could be called Lazy Day in many circles and that’s why it’s a decidedly awesome (and American) holiday. For those of you who would like some puck talk mixed in to your hot dog consumption and pajama-clad day, we’ll try to track down the most interesting stories of this Monday. I couldn’t help but wonder, though: what are the most laborious jobs in hockey? I’ll split my choices into “player” and “non-player” categories.

Most “laborious” jobs in hockey: player edition

Leg pads for Jay McKee/Anton Volchenkov/Hal Gill (or shot blocking in general)

Hockey is a sport for ridiculously tough humans, especially if you’re a shut down defenseman. “Withstanding incredible pain and frequent bruising” is particularly high in the job description of shot blocking blueliners, though, who are insane enough to put their jobs on the line every time they sprawl out on the ice to stop a puck.

davebollandfights.jpgShut-down center

If you asked me which Chicago Blackhawks contributor received the least amount of deserved spotlight, I would pick Dave Bolland. For most of 2009-10 I thought he was arguably the most overpaid player (not named Cristobal Huet or Brian Campbell) on their roster until he frustrated the likes of the Sedin twins and Joe Thornton all summer long. While shutdown defensemen have tough jobs, defensive centers often cover an even larger part of the ice and also might be counted on for some offense.

Florida Panthers goalie

Combine shaky goal support (third worst in the NHL with only 2.46 goals scored per game) with the largest shots allowed in 09-10 (34.1 shots allowed per game) and being a goalie for the Panthers was probably the toughest netminding gig last season. That’s why hockey nerds such as myself appreciate Tomas Vokoun so much; he might not win but he stops a high volume of pucks, much like Roberto Luongo before him.

Time on Ice leaders

Chris Phillips lead the league in total shorthanded time on ice (315:23) while Jay Bouwmeester came in second (312:55) but averaged three and a half more total minutes per game. Duncan Keith played the most of any player in the NHL, narrowly beating his Stanley Cup finals opponent Chris Pronger (2,180:34 to 2,125:58). Martin St. Louis logged the most minutes of any forward, besting Anze Kopitar by a bit under two minutes.

Most “laborious” roles in hockey: Non-players

flyerspenaltybox.jpgPenalty box operator, Philadelphia Flyers games

If there’s a hockey job that could give you carpal tunnel it would be this or …

Ilya Kovalchuk contract writer

… or this.

Noise reducing earphones

Whether it’s in Gary Bettman’s ears when he hands out the Stanley Cup or Pronger’s ears any time he touches the puck in, say, 20 percent of the league’s arenas, you cannot have good enough ear phones to soak up those angry boos.

Thumbnail image for dealingwithcarcillo.jpgFlorida Panthers/New York Islanders ticket sales staff

Hey, look on the bright side; at one point, “Pittsburgh Penguins/Washington Capitals/Chicago Blackhawks ticket sales staff” would have been on the top of this list.

Wheel of Justice spinner

When spinning the league’s Wheel of Justice, your arm must get awfully tired.

Goal judges in the Toronto “War Room”

No matter what you decide, chances are, 50 percent of the audience will hate you for it. Which really matches another job description:

Any official/referee role, really

They don’t get the benefit of instant replays from multiple angles in high definition or slow motion. Fans might get the urge to shower them with beer, insults and jeer-based pressure to make calls. Some players are very good actors, at least when a stick gets caught in their skates. Maybe it’s not the toughest job in hockey, but would anyone argue that being a referee is one of the most “thankless” roles?

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OK, so that’s my list of the most laborious jobs in hockey. What did I miss? Which one might be the most difficult of them all? Let us know in the comments.

Report: Finnish goalie Sateri eyeing NHL after strong showing at Worlds

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Harri Sateri, the former Sharks prospect that’s spent the last three years in the KHL, is reportedly looking to come back to North America.

Per Finnish news outlet Iltalheti, Sateri shot down an extension with his current club, Vityaz Podolsk, to try and land an NHL gig.

The 27-year-old’s decision comes after a pretty solid showing with his native Finland at the World Hockey Championship. There, Sateri split time with Columbus’ Joonas Korpisalo, finishing with a .915 save percentage and 2.26 GAA. He posted a 26-save shutout in a surprising quarterfinal win over the U.S.

Sateri’s been good in Russia as well. Last season, he finished with a .929 save percentage and 2.50 GAA in 42 games.

It’ll be interesting to see if he can find a gig this summer. Sateri was originally San Jose’s fourth-round pick (106th overall) at the 2008 draft, but spent all four of his years in North America with the club’s AHL affiliate.

In his final season, he lost out on the gig as Antti Niemi’s backup to Alex Stalock in the preseason.

Kelly or Wingels will replace White for Senators in Game 7

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Either Chris Kelly or Tommy Wingels will replace Colin White for the Ottawa Senators tonight.

White, 20, made his NHL playoff debut in Game 6, but he only took seven shifts and logged 2:39 of ice time.

Clearly, head coach Guy Boucher didn’t trust the rookie in such a big game.

Tonight in Pittsburgh, it’s an even bigger game. Win and it’s off to the Stanley Cup Final. Lose and that’s it for the season.

Kelly, 36, and Wingels, 29, have each played their share of big games. Kelly went to a Cup final with the Sens in 2007, and he went to a couple more with the Bruins. Wingels played for the Cup last year with the Sharks.

“They both have lived seven games, and they both have won seven games,” said Boucher. “So those are the two guys we need to have out there.”

Kelly has only played once this postseason, all the way back in the first round against Boston. But with Derick Brassard seemingly unable to take faceoffs, Kelly may draw in because he’s a center.

“It will all depend if it’s a center or winger I’m going to need,” said Boucher.

Related: Schultz and Hornqvist will be game-time decisions; Sheary may play

Carolina has the ‘open for business sign out there’

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Ron Francis is ready to make more deals.

Heading into the offseason, Francis had 11 draft picks at this June’s draft, and already used one — a third-rounder — to acquire Scott Darling from Chicago.

Now, the Hurricanes GM is prepared to use more in the hopes of adding to the roster.

“We’ve got the open for business sign out there,” Francis said Wednesday, per the News & Observer. “We’re in a unique situation with the amount of picks we have and the amount of prospects we have. It’ll be interesting.

“Really what it comes down to is what teams want: Do they want a player back for the asset they don’t have to protect or are they willing to take some picks and prospects?”

It’s pretty obvious the goal for Francis and head coach Bill Peters is to get the ‘Canes back into the playoffs for the first time since 2009. The team has shown steady improvement over the last three years — going from 30 to 35 to 36 wins — and had a nice late push before ultimately falling short this season.

“I think we have specific needs, very specific needs,” Peters said at Carolina’s end-of-year media availability. “So as a coach I’m going to give very specific names.”

It sounds like more than just picks could be in play.

The News & Observer said the ‘Canes “aren’t agonizing” over the expansion draft, as the team has a pretty good idea of who’ll be exposed. So it could be a case of identifying the players that will remain, and seeing what assets they may fetch in return.

There’s been speculation that the Hurricanes might be willing to move Noah Hanifin. Though it might seem strange to dangle a gifted 20-year-old d-man with loads of potential, Carolina has good depth on the blueline with Justin Faulk, Jaccob Slavin and Brett Pesce. It’s expected that prospects Roland McKeown and Haydn Fleury will push for NHL jobs next year, and there’s still ’16 first-rounder Jake Bean on the horizon.

Francis also has another asset at his disposal — cap space.

It’s what allowed the ‘Canes to snag Teuvo Teravainen from Chicago for the price of taking on Bryan Bickell‘s contract. Another similar move could very well be in the cards, especially when the NHL releases next year’s cap ceiling figure.

Report: ‘All signs point’ to contract extension for Ducks’ Fowler

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“All signs point toward” a contract extension for Anaheim Ducks defenseman Cam Fowler, according to TSN’s Pierre LeBrun.

LeBrun reported this morning that talks between the Ducks and the 25-year-old defenseman are expected to resume next week. Talks so far have been “positive,” said LeBrun.

It won’t be cheap to re-sign Fowler, who can become an unrestricted free agent next summer. He’s coming off a 39-point season for the Ducks, and he logged almost 25 minutes per game.

If Fowler does agree to re-sign, he’ll obviously be protected in the expansion draft, along with Hampus Lindholm. Assuming the Ducks only protect three defensemen, that would only leave one spot to protect Sami Vatanen, Josh Manson, or Kevin Bieksa — and the latter has a no-movement clause, which for now demands he be protected.

For that reason, Bieksa will likely be asked to waive his NMC. It’s also possible he could be bought out.

Anaheim does have the option to protect four defensemen and four forwards. However, Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry, and Ryan Kesler all have NMCs, and the Ducks won’t want to expose Rickard Rakell or Jakob Silfverberg.

Related: Big decisions looming for Ducks