Hockey writers poke fun at possible rule changes from R&D camp

Thumbnail image for developmentcampone.jpgWhenever the NHL discusses making changes – particularly ones that are off the beaten path – they make life pretty simple and easy for satirists and bloggers. So it’s probably no surprise that while blogs such as our own did indeed pour over a ton of the details, some of the funniest hockey writers had a field day with the NHL research and development camp.

With that in mind, I thought I’d share three of the better parody articles on the subject.

First, here is some commentary from Colorado Avalanche blogger Jibblescribbits, who produced fake reactions from NHL team’s on potential rule changes.

5 Minutes of 3 vs 3 OT

Washington Capitals scout– Imagine an Ovechkin-Semin-Green line. Or we could be radical and use two forwards and a defenseman

A Minnesota Wild scout– It’ll be difficult, but I think we could still suck the life out of this.

A Philadelphia Flyers scout – Plays right into our hands, since we’re kind of used to playing 3 vs 5 anyways

[snip]

24 inch blueline

Detroit Red Wings scouts – Our players may finally be able to see it

Ottawa Senators scouts – More defensive zone to protect? At least it won’t change Jason Spezza’s game

A Vancouver Canucks scout – Wait they’re testing 24 inch blue lines? You don’t say. I just thought Wellwood fell on it.

scoutsatrandd.jpgNext, the Pegasus News has their snarky list of “long overdue rule changes” (that didn’t actually go through, obviously).

Long-Overdue Rule Change #16: Unattractive players will be given game misconducts.

Long-Overdue Rule Change #17: Special “Get Medieval” nights will feature players using spiked maces instead of sticks, referees dressed like bishops and plague-infected rats swarming the concession stands.

Long-Overdue Rule Change #18: Two-minute minors will be accompanied by the player’s mom showing embarrassing baby photos of the offender on the JumboTron.

Finally, you cannot have a story about hockey satire without blogger Down Goes Brown. Here’s an excerpt from the piece he wrote for his new gig with The National Post.

The league also looked at continuing to restrict line changes. One new rule would see teams that went offside be unable to change lines before the next faceoff, similar to what happens now with icing. This change is expected to be popular with the many fans who find themselves saying things like “This game is OK, but I’d enjoy it more if the players were constantly vomiting from exhaustion.”

This ongoing war on line changes is expected to someday culminate with coaches having the option to disable line changes altogether, but only if the opposing coach gets up to use the bathroom and leaves his Xbox controller lying around.

Icing has always been a mixed blessing for hockey fans. On the one hand, races for the puck are exciting. On the other, exploding hip fragments can sometimes fly up into the stands and get in your beer. The NHL is trying to find a way to keep the former while minimizing the latter.

The answer appears to be a concept called hybrid icing, which is just like regular icing except it gets better mileage. Experts agree that it will cost twice as much and cause your insufferable granola-snorting neighbour to strut around like he’s better than you.

Good stuff. I hope you enjoyed those parody articles as much as I did. Remember, even in some of the darkest (or driest) of times, someone – somewhere – will write something funny that makes fun of hockey. Kind of a comforting thought, isn’t it?

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    Video: Borowiecki slams Toffoli from behind into the boards

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    Tyler Toffoli reportedly went through the concussion protocol for a portion of Saturday’s game against the Senators, after Ottawa defenseman Mark Borowiecki slammed the L.A. Kings forward from behind into the boards.

    The incident occurred less than three minutes into the game.

    Borowiecki was given a major penalty for boarding. He received another major, this time for fighting, later in the period after him and Matt Greene dropped the gloves. Now the question becomes: Will Borowiecki face supplemental discipline?

    Toffoli missed the remainder of the first period, but returned for the second.

    The Kings went on to win by a final score of 4-1.

    Blackhawks ‘have to do what’s right’ for injured Toews, who will miss ninth straight game

    NEWARK, NJ - OCTOBER 28:  Jonathan Toews #19 of the Chicago Blackhawks skates against the New Jersey Devils at the Prudential Center on October 28, 2016 in Newark, New Jersey.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
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    The Chicago Blackhawks will not have Jonathan Toews in their lineup Sunday, marking the ninth consecutive game their captain has missed because of injury.

    There is the possibility of good news, however, for Chicago: Brent Seabrook, considered day-to-day at this point after an awkward fall Tuesday, could return to game action versus the Dallas Stars tomorrow.

    The Blackhawks currently have a two-point lead on St. Louis in the Central Division but only four wins in their last 10 games.

    Given their recent run of injuries and the results in the win-loss columns, you could understand why the Blackhawks would want Toews back, healthy, as soon as possible, with a three-game road trip coming up next week.

    That trip ends Saturday in St. Louis.

    But the organization also doesn’t want to just rush the 28-year-old Toews into game action until he’s ready.

    From CSN Chicago:

    As for Toews, Quenneville had hoped the captain would be skating by this weekend. He said following Saturday’s practice that Toews could skate on Sunday. Whether or not Toews accompanies the Blackhawks on their upcoming trip to New York depends on what happens on Sunday.

    “If he skates tomorrow, we’ll have a better sense of that,” Quenneville said. “We have to do what’s right, long-term, and make sure he’s 100 percent and ready to go.”

    In 21 games this season, Toews has four goals and 12 points, while playing on both the power play and penalty kill.

    Related: Patrick Kane: Others have to ‘step up’ with Toews out of Blackhawks lineup

    Schenn’s hat trick powers Flyers to eighth straight win

    PHILADELPHIA, PA - NOVEMBER 29:  Claude Giroux #28 of the Philadelphia Flyers is congratulated by teammates Jakub Voracek #93 and Brayden Schenn #10 after Giroux scored in the first period against the Boston Bruins on November 29, 2016 at Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
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    The Dallas Stars were less than four minutes away from not only winning consecutive games for just the second time this season, but also snapping the Philadelphia Flyers’ winning streak on Saturday afternoon.

    Then they started taking penalties, allowing Brayden Schenn and the Flyers’ power play to take over.

    Schenn scored three power play goals, including two in the final four minutes to tie the game and then ultimately win it, to help lead the Flyers to a 4-2 win and extend their current winning streak to eight games.

    Schenn had an eventful day on Saturday. Along with the hat trick, he also ended up in a fight with Stephen Johns in the first period.

    The Flyers are now 17-10-3 on the season and have rapidly climbed the Eastern Conference standings over the past two weeks during this winning streak.

    The Stars penalty kill has been a huge problem this season and it surfaced again on Saturday afternoon as they were unable to stay out of the penalty box late in the game. Jamie Oleksiak‘s cross-checking penalty on Jakub Voracek resulted in Schenn’s goal to tie the game. Less than a minute after that goal Tyler Seguin was sent off for high-sticking leading to Schenn’s third goal of the game just 40 seconds into the man advantage.

    After Saturday the Stars’ penalty kill is now down to just 76 percent on the season and is near the bottom of the NHL.

    That is just one of the many reasons the Stars are off to a disappointing 11-12-6 start through their first 29 games. Even worse, it was another missed opportunity to build on a win after a big 5-2 win in Nashville on Thursday.

    The Stars have managed to win consecutive games just one time this season and have yet to win more than two games in a row.

    They are now 1-7-3 in games following a win this season.

     

    Goalie Nods: Penguins go back to Matt Murray against Lightning

    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 30: Matt Murray #30 of the Pittsburgh Penguins tends goal against the New York Islanders at the Barclays Center on November 30, 2016 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. The Islanders defeated the Penguins 5-3.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
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    After sitting for three consecutive games earlier in the week, Matt Murray was back in the lineup on Thursday night for the Pittsburgh Penguins against the Florida Panthers. After stopping 28 of the 29 shots he faced in a 5-1 win (and nearly scoring an empty net goal), he gets the call again on Saturday night when the Penguins face the Tampa Bay Lightning in a rematch of the 2016 Eastern Conference Finals.

    At this point the Penguins’ goalie rotation seems to simply be “keep playing until you lose or get pulled.”

    Marc-Andre Fleury, after winning back-to-back starts against Dallas and Detroit, was lifted midway through the second period against Ottawa on Monday night paving the way for Murray to return to the crease.

    Since taking over for Fleury midway through Monday’s game Murray has stopped 45 of the 47 shots he has faced and has a .934 save percentage on the season. Including playoffs, Murray has a .928 save percentage in 45 appearances at the NHL level since making his debut during the 2015-16 season. That is one of the best marks in the NHL during that stretch.

    The Lightning, who have lost seven of their past nine games, are going with Andrei Vasilevskiy after Ben Bishop was pulled for giving up four goals on 20 shots in a 5-1 loss to Vancouver on Thursday.

    With a .929 save percentage in 10 starts this season Vasilevskiy has been the Lightning’s best goalie so far. He replaced Bishop on Thursday night after he surrendered four goals on only 20 shots in a 5-1 loss to the Vancouver Canucks.

    Elsewhere…

    Steve Mason and Kari Lehtonen went for the Flyers and Stars respectively in their afternoon game, while Peter Budaj went against Mike Condon in the Kings-Senators game.

    — With Ryan Miller sidelined due to a suspected lower body injury, Jacob Markstrom gets the call for Vancouver against his former team, the Florida Panthers. On the other end of the ice Roberto Luongo was also getting the start against his former team for the Panthers.

    — The Islanders are trying to dig themselves out of an early deficit in the standings with a point in six straight games (5-0-1). They look to continue that strong play on Saturday against a Columbus team that has been the biggest surprise in the NHL this season. The Islanders go with Jaroslav Halak. The Blue Jackets, who have won five straight including a 4-1 win over the Detroit Red Wings on Friday, have not yet announced their starter. Sergei Bobrovsky will start again after getting the win on Friday.

    Carey Price will be back in net for the Canadiens after he avoided discipline for punching Kyle Palmieri the other night with his blocker. He will go against Calvin Pickard in the Colorado net.

    Frederik Andersen vs. Tuukka Rask is the goalie matchup in Boston when the Bruins host the Maple Leafs.

    Mike Smith looks to snap a personal five-game winless streak when he gets the nod for the Arizona Coyotes against Pekka Rinne and the Nashville Predators.

    — The Flames are going with Chad Johnson in net again when they host the Winnipeg Jets, and for good reason. Johnson has taken the No. 1 job in Calgary and now has a 10-2-0 record to go with a .947 save percentage in 12 starts since Nov. 15. No official word from the Jets on their starting goalie.

    — The Sharks and Hurricanes have yet to announce their starters for the late game.