Prepare your old jokes: Chelios returns tonight

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chelios.jpgThis just in: Chris Chelios is old. 

No, but really, it’s official: Chelios will put an Atlanta Thrashers jersey on his old yet far-from-brittle bones and play in an NHL game at the (what’s the opposite of tender? Burnt, maybe?) age of 48. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution shares this amusing tidbit:

“Eight Thrashers were not born when Chelios made his NHL debut. They are – Ondrej Pavelec, Zach Bogosian, Boris Valabik, Evander Kane, Bryan Little, Niclas Bergfors, Tobias Enstrom and Clarke MacArthur.”

By now, you’ve probably read a lot of the “old” jokes (David Staples has a Twitter gallery of them here) or you may have heard a bunch of them already anyway. Let’s face it: Chelios being an old hockey player is so worn out that it’s joined the Exhausted Sports Punchlines club with the likes of Brett Favre’s retirement flip-flopping, the Sharks being playoff chokers and Tiger Woods sexing his way through America’s elite skank ranks.

Aside from the mere fact that he really is that old, it shouldn’t be that surprising that he’s coming back. Chelios is renowned for his maniacal workout regimen and while he ended up being an occasional scratch for the Detroit Red Wings, he could feasibly be an acceptable bottom pairing guy for a weak sister club. You know, like the Thrashers.

So dust off your long-in-the-tooth Chelios quips and enjoy the slow moving show; he’s back against the Columbus Blue Jackets tonight. 

Kings GM says Mike Richards went into ‘a destructive spiral’

Mike Richards

The Los Angeles Kings may owe Mike Richards money until 2031 (seriously), but in settling his grievance, the team and player more or less get to turn the page.

Not before Kings GM Dean Lombardi shares his sometimes startling perspective, though.

Lombardi has a tendency to be candid, especially in the press release-heavy world of sports management. Even by his standards, his account of Richards’ “destructive sprial” is a staggering read from the Los Angeles Times’ Lisa Dillman.

“Without a doubt, the realization of what happened to Mike Richards is the most traumatic episode of my career,” Lombardi said in a written summation he provided to the Los Angeles Times. “At times, I think that I will never recover from it. It is difficult to trust anyone right now – and you begin to question whether you can trust your own judgment. The only thing I can think of that would be worse would be suspecting your wife of cheating on you for five years and then finding out in fact it was true.”

Lombardi provides plenty of eyebrow-raising statements to Dillman, including:

  • He believed he “found his own Derek Jeter” in Richards, a player who “at one time symbolized everything that was special about the sport.”
  • Lombardi remarked that “his production dropped 50 percent and the certain ‘it’ factor he had was vaporizing in front of me daily.”
  • The Kings GM believes that he was “played” by Richards.

… Yeah.

Again, it’s a powerful read that you should soak in yourself, even if you’re unhappy with the way the Kings handled the situation.

Maybe the most pressing of many lingering questions is: will we get to hear Richards’ side of the story?

Coyotes exploit another lousy outing from Quick

Jonathan Quick
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Despite owning two Stanley Cup rings, there are a healthy number of people who aren’t wild about Jonathan Quick.

Those people might feel validated through the Los Angeles Kings’ first two games, as he followed a rough loss to the San Jose Sharks with a true stinker against the Arizona Coyotes on Friday.

Sometimes a goalie has a bad night stats-wise, yet his team is as much to blame as anything else. You can probably pin this one on Quick, who allowed four goals on just 14 shots through the first two periods.

Things died down in the final frame, but let’s face it; slowing things down is absolutely the Coyotes’ design with a 4-1 lead (which ultimately resulted in a 4-1 win).


A soft 1-0 goal turned out to be a sign of things to come:

Many expected the Kings to roar into this second game after laying an egg in their opener. Instead, the Coyotes exploited Quick’s struggles for a confidence-booster, which included key prospect Max Domi scoring a goal and an assist.

It’s worth mentioning that Mike Smith looked downright fantastic at times, only drawing more attention to Quick’s struggles.


After a troubled summer and a failed 2014-15 season, Los Angeles was likely eager to start things off the right way.

Instead, they instead will likely focus on the fact that they merely dropped two (ugly) games.